I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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