my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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