I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
