ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
