remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
