Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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