I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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