And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
