Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
