Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
