this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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