So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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