So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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