Did you just see the Batmobile???
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
