I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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