butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
