Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
