Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
