Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sarcasm needs its own font
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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