it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
