i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
