I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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