just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
