I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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