Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
