wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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