I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
