you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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