omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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