that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
