Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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