Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
