I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
