first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
