saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
