I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
