looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
