Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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