I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
