I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
