yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
