drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
