i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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