I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
