Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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