Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
