Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
