I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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