I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
MIDGETS
????
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My life is pants optional.
Randomize