I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
