I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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