you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
