in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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